Let’s be honest, the Internet is full of these “X ways to improve the job hunt”. How about a list of 6 sure-fire ways to get your resume thrown in the garbage.

Speling stuf rong.

If you absolutely want to make sure no one ever takes you seriously, just misspell words. Recruiters and hiring agents have to go through literally 100’s of resumes every day. They are just looking for reasons to get rid of applicants so they can get a short list of top candidates to their boss and maybe get lunch. One of the hacks they use is to look for misspelled words. They figure that if you cannot be bothered to spell things correctly, that is probably a good marker for a lack of attention to the details.

spelling

Highlight your lack of experience:

A professional recruiter has a well-developed network of experienced job seekers that they can call upon at a moment’s notice. A great way to never be a part of that network is to highlight all the courses you have taken while also showing no actual experience. If you really do not want to be called by a recruiter, be sure to use course numbers without any indication as to what you actually did. Nothing says “I never want to work in this industry” like “Relevant courses, Acc 201, GMS 401 and BTM 700”.

Treat your resume like a historical document:

When speaking about your previous experience, only use the most basic of terms. Here is a good example:

Cashier:

  • Took money from customers
  • Stock shelves
  • Cleaned store as needed
  • You have my personal guarantee that no manager will want to learn more about how you work.

Use an Objective:

I bet you find this one surprising, hey. A strong objective is a great way to show an employer what you can do FOR them. However, the objective can also be a great way to ensure your resume is never seen by anyone of importance. Try using an objective that is redundant while also providing no new information. Something like this:

Objective: To obtain a full time position as a marketing assistant with your marketing department.”

The fact that you submitted a resume already suggest that you are looking for a job. This also has the advantage of telling the recruiter nothing about what you can do. You have literally wasted 5 seconds of that person’s life.

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Do not connect the dots:

Never, ever explain how your past experience would be valuable to the employer. A great way to achieve this is to avoid mentioning any results, successes or achievements. Keep it brief and to the point. It also helps if you use language that is as brief as possible. Bullet points that are as broad and general as possible are best. A good example would be something like “Strong interpersonal skills, able to work independently or as a part of a team”.

Write a two-page resume that is really only a page and a half.

Do not worry about white space or making use of full pages. A second page that is half-blank says that you are either lazy or apathetic. Either you did not know how to manage the white space or you did not care to. Either way, that resume is being used as the next basketball for the ongoing “Wastebasket Challenge” in the photocopy room.

Of course, the best way to make sure your resume never is seen is to simply not submit a resume in the first place. However, if you are absolutely intent on doing a job search, then these tips will ensure you never have to go an interview…ever.

Need Help?

If you would like to get an interview from time to time, than I suggest coming by the Careers & Partnerships centre at TRS 2-148 for a resume review. We have years of experience on what you can do to make the resume more attractive for recruiters and hiring managers.

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Posted by Dan Kennedy

Dan Kennedy is Manager of the TRSM Business Career Hub. He has over 10 years of experience helping students successfully navigate the job search process. His areas of expertise are resume writing, interviews, and Batman-related trivia.

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